Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
