he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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