it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
