My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
