and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
FUCK WHALES
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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