Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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