someone threw a dead crab at me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
