she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
