1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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