this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
