I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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