I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
