If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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