Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
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Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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