She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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