So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
