guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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