Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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