I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
