What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
