Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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