Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i think i have two assholes
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
