Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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