y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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