I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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