My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
