I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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