She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
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please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
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i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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