remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
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I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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