I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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