singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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