how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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