she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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