Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
