Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
