Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
