This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
When are your genitals available?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
