How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
