if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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