I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
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my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
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I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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