my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
