she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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