4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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