drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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