Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
