I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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