can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
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New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
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He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How naked do you want me to be?
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