hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
