I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
