I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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