Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
