If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
