I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
