He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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