i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize