My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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