She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My breasts were aching with rage.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
