i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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