In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
