just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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