i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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