i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
