why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
