Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
All I want is dick and wine.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
