my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
