I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just tell him i said nine months
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Randomize
