Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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