don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
