"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
