great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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