my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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