And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
