I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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